Ridi, Pagliaccio
by Wolvertique
Summary: Bobby Drake's gone prank-happy on his fellow X-men. Why? Set in my personal X-universe.


Dr. Henry McCoy was seated in his lab, studying the reactions of a cold virus to a new chemical agent. A knock at the door aroused him from his near-hypnotic focus on the microscope.

Jean rose to answer it, and he took his eyes off the reactions. Fascinating. Who would have expected such a volatile combination as …

Logan stood at the door, wet and angry. Jean took a few steps back. "Logan," she said, surprised.

He sarcastically replied, "You noticed me. Amazing."

Hank quickly got up to deflect Logan's attention and asked, "Can I be of any assistance?"

Logan removed his dark gaze from Jean reluctantly. "Yeah. Drake's gone a little nuts this morning. Need your help to sort him out."

Jean returned to her own research station as Hank said, confused, "What is ailing Robert?"

"I don't know. But 'Ro's plants were all arranged to spell out 'Love Plants - Eat Chicken Instead', the assignments on the class boards were replaced with top ten pranks to pull in class, and the kids have been doing them all day, the showers and pools were all frozen solid, and a toy rabbit with a water gun sprayed me outside my door this morning, along with Remy, Rogue, Warren, and Betsy. It was him. I could smell him from a mile away."

Hank turned his head to hide a grin. A couple of these were pranks he and Bobby had thought about doing on special occasions. Birthdays. Holidays. But all together? During school time? He composed himself enough to say, "I am thankful that I had the foresight to perform my ablutions the previous night."

Logan looked grimly at him and said, "Yeah. Whatever. He's in his room. Get him to stop it before I have to stop him. My way."

"I shall endeavor to persuade him to defer his current activities." He removed his lab coat and glasses, and Logan left. What could have possessed Bobby to behave in such a fashion? It was not April Fool's Day. It was not a special occasion.

He entered the men's dormitory and saw more evidence of Bobby's dirty tricks. A portion of the hallway was covered with slick green ice. Two stuffed animals holding water guns (one a Kermit doll, the other a Tickle Me Elmo) held their weapons ready at the doors of Northstar and Nightcrawler. Hank hid a smile as he carefully removed the Elmo from Northstar's door and placed it, cautiously, in front of Colossus' door instead. Northstar had enough pain of his own without the X-men adding to it.

A small group of people were gathered in front of Bobby's door. A sign on the door read, "No Dogs Allowed (Or Birds)." Warren was wet, Jubilee held a broken shampoo bottle and held her left arm against her body, Scott smelled strongly of hot peppers, and Storm was doing what, in a normal person, would be called "shouting."

"…out of there, you coward!" she finished, as Hank approached and calmly knocked on the door.

"No Dogs Allowed! Or Birds!" a cheerful, zany voice replied to his knock. It was Bobby, and he sounded high on something.

"Break him out, Beast," Storm ordered, arms crossed. "He must face punishment for what he has been doing."

Hank cleared his throat. "But I am not a dog or a bird, Charlie Bob. I am the Great Pumpkin."

The others stared at him, and Warren muttered, "Great. They're BOTH insane."

The door opened. A thick ice shield filled the doorway, and the clear hand that had opened it disappeared into the shield. "You may enter. The rest of you, go away!"

Hank winked and mouthed, "I will take care of it." They stared. "Trust me."

The ice parted long enough to let him through, then filled the space his body had left again. The door was closed again, and Hank saw the mess Bobby had made of his room.

The entire space was covered with gadgets, pieces of wire, pliers, screws, nails, gag gifts, and other assorted materials. He could not see the bed, though it probably was under the massive amount of stuff somewhere, and Bobby grinned maniacally at him from the far corner of the room. "Hi! Care to take a hand?" He was hammering together a large wooden box in a slapdash fashion, and had two bags of balloons by his side.

"Bobby? What are you doing?" He was appalled. Bobby's eyes were shadowed, and he was working with more enthusiasm than accuracy. His hands were shaky and his face full of manic energy. He looked sick.

"Oh, just making that surprise we thought up back in '92, remember? The snowfall at dinnertime? I figure if we fill this baby up with snow balloons, then let them go tonight, it'll be a really great gag! Heck, maybe I should add some firecrackers, too. They'd puncture the balloons better and create a wider distribution over the table." He frowned. "No. Wait!" He threw the box away, and Hank dodged it. Bobby's hands frantically danced over the junk pile nearest him, searching for something.

"Robert Drake. Pay attention to me this second!" He put all his worry aside to command Bobby, and Bobby looked up, desperation in his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

"Uhm … " Bobby thought for a second, and his eyes twitched sideways, then back to Hank. "Because I feel like it?"

Hank leaped over to him and tilted his head up, so their eyes met. "Why do you feel like it, Robert? Tell me now. No more playing around."

Bobby tried a smile, but it was more like a twitch, and he gulped. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and tears started welling out of his eyes. He blinked. In a hoarse voice, he said, "You don't know where I was yesterday. You don't even know I was gone, right?"

Hank frowned and brought an arm around the man's back to support him. "No. I was not aware that you had gone anywhere. Where did you go?"

Bobby gave a short laugh through his tears. "No one knew. No one ever knows." He swiped at his eyes with his left arm. "I went to see Lorna."

Oh, my. This explained much. Lorna had come back on the verge of insanity from the destruction of Genosha. Havok spent most of his time with her in the hospital, and the other team members had gone to see her once or twice, but not Bobby. Not until now. He still must have feelings for her.

"Why?" Hank asked, cradling Bobby in his arms. "Why did you go?"

Bobby sniffled and gave a small shrug. "I was the only one here when she called. She felt trapped under a building and begged me to get her out. I … I loved her. Once. I had to go see her. It was awful. Havok was there. He was not doing well. He said it was one of her better days.

"Then I came back here. No one knew I was gone. No one cared. You have Jean. Scott has Rogue now. Who do I have, even as a friend, any more? Who notices me? I'm 'good old Bobby. He sure is quick with a laugh, now let's forget about him once it's over.'

"So I decided to make you notice me, all of you. The only way you seem to react to me at all is if I make you laugh. So I figure the ultimate joke is what I need to pull off, here. Then you'd notice. Then you'd see." His voice faltered, and he shook his head. "Pretty crazy, I know. But it felt right when I was doing it. It seems silly now." He looked up. "I'm sorry."

Hank held Bobby as he spoke, then said quietly, "You could have come to the lab. I would have gone with you. We all should have gone with you, I suppose. I have not been to see Polaris for some time." He gently stroked Bobby's back. "Now, are you ready to face the music? I believe you have some apologizing to do, before we go play soccer."

Bobby blinked through tearstained eyes. "I guess."

The two men got up and picked their way through the stuff to the door.


End file.
